In the beginning, God created the Heavens and the Earth and populated
the Earth with broccoli, cauliflower and spinach, green and yellow and
red vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and
healthy lives even without vitamins of the Flintstone.
Then using God's great gifts, Satan created rich ice cream with much butterfat which was packaged in small quarts, and also he created doughnuts that were fried in lard and entombed in fine sugar icing. And Satan said, "You want
chocolate with that?"
And Man said, "Yes!" and Woman said, "and as long as
you're at it, add some sprinkles."
And they gained 10 pounds that were not muscular in mass. And
Satan smiled.
And God created the healthful yogurt that Woman and Man might keep
the shapes they found so fair in one another.
And Satan brought forth white flour
from the wheat, and sugar from the cane and combined them.
And their shapes were not as comely.
So God said, "Try my fresh green
salad."
And Satan presented Thousand-Island Dressing, buttery croutons
and garlic toast on the side.
And Man and Woman unfastened their belts, yea, even their buttons, following the repast.
God then said, "I have sent you heart healthy
vegetables and olive oil in which to cook them."
And Satan brought
forth deep fried fish and chicken-fried steak so big it needed its own
platter.
And they gained more weight and their cholesterol climbed up unto the firmament.
God then created a light, fluffy white cake, named it "Angel
Food Cake," and said, "It is good."
Satan then created chocolate cake
and named it "Devil's Food."
God then brought forth running shoes so that
His children might lose those extra pounds.
And Satan gave cable TV
with a remote control so Man would not have to toil changing the
channels.
And Man and Woman laughed and cried before the flickering blue
light and gained pounds.
Then God brought forth the potato, naturally
low in fat and brimming with nutrition.
And Satan peeled off the
healthful skin and sliced the starchy center into chips and deep-fried
them.
God then gave lean beef so that Man
and Woman might consume fewer calories and still satisfy their appetites.
And Satan
created fast food outlets on every street corner and placed 99-cent double cheeseburgers within them. And then said, "You
want fries with that?" And Man replied, "Yes! And make their sizes super!"
And Satan said, "It is good." And Man went into cardiac
arrest.
God sighed and created quadruple bypass
surgery........
Then Satan created HMOs.
