First Man and First Woman in the Garden of Eating

In the beginning, God created the Heavens and the Earth and populated the Earth with broccoli, cauliflower and spinach, green and yellow and red vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives even without vitamins of the Flintstone.

Then using God's great gifts, Satan created rich ice cream with much butterfat which was packaged in small quarts, and also he created doughnuts that were fried in lard and entombed in fine sugar icing. And Satan said, "You want chocolate with that?"

And Man said, "Yes!" and Woman said, "and as long as you're at it, add some sprinkles."

And they gained 10 pounds that were not muscular in mass. And Satan smiled.

And God created the healthful yogurt that Woman and Man might keep the shapes they found so fair in one another.

And Satan brought forth white flour from the wheat, and sugar from the cane and combined them.

And their shapes were not as comely.

So God said, "Try my fresh green salad."

And Satan presented Thousand-Island Dressing, buttery croutons and garlic toast on the side.

And Man and Woman unfastened their belts, yea, even their buttons, following the repast.

God then said, "I have sent you heart healthy vegetables and olive oil in which to cook them."

And Satan brought forth deep fried fish and chicken-fried steak so big it needed its own platter.

And they gained more weight and their cholesterol climbed up unto the firmament.

God then created a light, fluffy white cake, named it "Angel Food Cake," and said, "It is good."

Satan then created chocolate cake and named it "Devil's Food."

God then brought forth running shoes so that His children might lose those extra pounds.

And Satan gave cable TV with a remote control so Man would not have to toil changing the channels.

And Man and Woman laughed and cried before the flickering blue light and gained pounds.

Then God brought forth the potato, naturally low in fat and brimming with nutrition.

And Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy center into chips and deep-fried them.

God then gave lean beef so that Man and Woman might consume fewer calories and still satisfy their appetites.

And Satan created fast food outlets on every street corner and placed 99-cent double cheeseburgers within them. And then said, "You want fries with that?" And Man replied, "Yes! And make their sizes super!"

And Satan said, "It is good." And Man went into cardiac arrest.

God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery........

Then Satan created HMOs.

Comments

[Mike]

Garden of Eating is hilarious!

[Sheila]

Spending two hours in the greenhouse on a sunny afternoon in a snow-covered landscape made me think that spring really would come. I clumsily transplanted a tray of green little seedlings into new, larger cells and at the end of two hours, there were three or four trays of future chard. I recommend it for anyone who would like to find an antidote to their spring fever.